Matchbreakers
by Lady Lane1
Summary: The Fashion Club starts a matchmaking service, but who will they pair up? And what happens?


"Matchbreakers"  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Daria. MTV/Viacom/The-N or whatever the hell owns it now. You already knew that, so there's really no reason for this disclaimer. Enjoy the show. This is kind of a spin off of MTV.com's Daria section with the Fashion Club's matchmaking, only I didn't think of that when I created this. I just happened to notice after I started Act 2. :)  
  
(Opening theme, title and Daria logo, "Daria in: Matchbreakers")  
  
Act 1  
  
(The setting is the living room of the Morgendorffer home. Quinn is on the phone with Sandi, sitting on the couch parallel to the television and Daria is reading a novel on a seperate couch.)  
  
Quinn: Ugh, Brooke did NOT...ew, he's like, at least 10 levels of popularity lower than her! (Quinn cringes while speaking.)  
  
Daria: Am I popular enough to disconnect the phone line?  
  
Quinn: (Shoots Daria a menacing look.) No, of course not, Sandi, she's just visiting. Why would you think that? Well, yeah, she's weird. (Laughs.) Oh, okay.  
  
Daria: (Sighs and leaves room.)  
  
Quinn: (Stands up excitedly from couch.) Omigod, that's such a great idea! I'll ask my cousin's friend, um, well, she's an artist, to make posters for it! Okay, bye! (Clicks and hangs up phone.)  
  
(In Daria's room...)  
  
(Quinn is at the doorframe, peeking into Daria's room.)  
  
Quinn: Um, Daria?  
  
Daria: What do you want?  
  
Quinn: Well, uh...okay, Sandi had this GREAT idea that we should make a dating service for Lawndale High, and we need like, posters to advertise it.  
  
Daria: ...What do you want?  
  
Quinn: You know your little artist friend, Jan or whatever. Do you think she could make some posters? Here's twenty-five dollars for her and you can have ten for asking her, okay, thanks, bye! (Quinn drops the money on the end of Daria's bed and flees from the room.)  
  
Daria: (Shrugs, picks up phone and dials number. Split screen of her and Jane.) Hey.  
  
Jane: (Jane is lying on her bed with her legs crossed.) Yo.  
  
Daria: I know this sounds really idiotic, but Quinn and the Fashion Club started a dating service for our highschool and they'd like to give you the privlege of making the advertising posters.  
  
Jane: I'm honored. (Pause.) How much do I get paid?  
  
Daria: (Sighs) Damn, I was hoping I could keep all the money. Well, is twenty-five dollars enough to satisfy your starving artist fridge?  
  
Jane: Hmm...let's spice up the deal. Twenty-five dollars and your sister's soul. Come on, I'm not asking for much.   
  
Daria: Take it, it's yours.  
  
Jane: Okay, I better get this over with. See ya..  
  
Daria: Bye.  
  
(End of Act 1. Commercial break slow motion image: Quinn dropping money on Daria's bed.)  
  
  
Act 2  
  
(In the halls of Lawndale high. The Fashion Club is sitting at a table, handing out application forms. Various guys and girls are hanging out by the table, filling out forms.)  
  
Sandi: Ew, I'm sorry, but we are not accepting applicants who own a car from earlier than 1994.   
  
Guy: Augh. (Hangs head.)  
  
Stacy: Sandi, this was SUCH a good idea. Our whole school will be like, totally in love, thanks to you.  
  
Sandi: It was nothing but a mere idea.  
  
Quinn: Hi, Joey. Hi, Jeffy. Hi, Jamie.  
  
Trio: Hi, Quinn!  
  
Tiffany: Look, Quinn, it's your weird cousin or whatever with that girl who was supposed to make the posters.  
  
(Jane and Daria are observing the crowded area. Jane is holding a stack of papers. They approach the table.)  
  
Jane: Here, it's the posters. (Jane places the papers on the table and waits for approval.)  
  
Sandi: Hm, I suppose these will do. Would you like to fill out an application. You know, most (pause) anyone can get a date here.  
  
Jane: (Looks devilish.) Uh..sure.  
  
Daria: (In disbelief.) What?  
  
(Jane and Daria walk to a less crowded area of the hallway.)  
  
Daria: (Looking at application.) Name.  
  
Jane: (In a sly tone of voice.) Timothy O'Niell.   
  
Daria: Grade. Now what?  
  
Jane: Let's put educator. Hey, they said Lawndale Highschool . That means anyone.   
  
Daria: Car model and year. Applies only to male applicators. Check the staff parking lot with me?  
  
Jane: Nah, let's use Trent's. Piece of crap, year 1983.  
  
Daria: Height..note that your date will be approximately 3 inches higher or lower than you depending on gender.  
  
Jane: Um...5'4.   
  
Daria: We never noticed, why should they?  
  
(At the Fashion Club's dating service table...)  
  
Upchuck: Rrowr, what's this?  
  
Quinn: Ew...Sandi, shouldn't we turn away some applicants?  
  
Sandi: No, everyone deserves a fair cha-oh, God, Upchuck.  
  
Upchuck: Helloo, mistresses. Oh, a dating service? May I apply?  
  
Quinn: (Disappointed, sighs.) Yeah, whatever.  
  
(Daria and Jane come back to the table and quickly drop the application in a box. They're both smiling sheepishly. They begin to walk away from the table.)  
  
Daria: Smile. It makes them wonder.  
  
Jane: (Smirks.)  
  
(Back at table...)  
  
Sandi: Okay, I think we have enough applicants. (Gathers papers and stacks them up neatly.) Now, who'll help me pair them up?  
  
Quinn: Oh, Sandi, I'd love to!  
  
Sandi: Well, fair enough.  
  
Stacy: Just please...don't pair any popular people up with Upchuck? We'll be RUINED if you do.  
  
Sandi: ...do we look stupid or something? We'd never make that mistake. It's like pairing multiple patterns; you wouldn't think of it!  
  
(At Morgendorffer home, early evening...)  
  
Quinn: Ick, why do some of these people apply? (Throws an application in the trash bin next to her.) Name... (Gasps.) MR. O'NIELL?! Omigod, that can't be legal!  
  
Daria: Call the cops and check.  
  
Quinn: Daria, this is no time for your jokes. (Looks concerned.) This is really serious. Wait..doesn't she have a boyfriend? Ooh, I'm telling Andre!  
  
Daria: Are you a gossip columnist or a matchmaker, Quinn?  
  
Quinn: (Looks thoughtful.) I can be both, you know. Ugh, Daria, go away, I need to finish this.  
  
Daria: Okay...just one last thing.  
  
Quinn: (Aggravated.) What?!  
  
Daria: Pair Upchuck up with any cheerleader, and I'll pay you 15 dollars.  
  
Quinn: Grrrr! Muh-om!  
  
(Next day, Lawndale High...)  
  
Upchuck: Who's Dawn?  
  
(Note: Dawn is a character I found on Mike's site http://www30.brinkster.com/quadstar/Daria-Online/TVDB/Dawn.htm, she seemed like a good match for Upchuck.)  
  
Dawn: Hi, Charles...I really liked your magic act, remember, a long time ago...  
  
Upchuck: Oh, I'm quite the magician. Rrowr.  
  
Sandi: (Eyeing Upchuck and Dawn.) Well...one happy couple. Even if they're not cute.  
  
(The three J's come into view, paired up with cheerleaders.)  
  
Quinn: Good idea pairing up the three J's with cheerleaders. Finally, they're off my hands. I had to practically shove them away from me!  
  
Sandi: Oh, I know. It's so good having some of the boys cleared away. That way, we have more time to spend with the cuter ones.  
  
Tiffany: Really good idea, Sandi. I mean, you were the one that paired them up, right?  
  
Sandi: No, it was Quinn. God, Quinn should be president. Her ideas are just sooo much better than mine.   
  
Quinn: (In giggly voice.) Oh, Sandi...  
  
(The three J's are with cheerleaders, hitting on them. Joey looks over at Quinn with kind of a sad look, then returns to talking with Lisa, his cheerleader date.)  
  
Andrea: Oh, my God...a football player?  
  
Robert: Ma'am, I'm not half bad.   
  
Andrea: ...ma'am?  
  
(End of Act 2. Commercial break slow motion image: A purring Upchuck with Dawn.)  
  
Act 3  
  
(Daria's room. She's on the phone, and ringing can be heard. Split screen emerges when Jane picks up.)  
  
Jane: Hello?  
  
Daria: Hey, Jane.  
  
Jane: Did you see Upchuck got a date? I think the world's coming to an end. Maybe just a screeching halt...but I'm really leaning towards end.  
  
Daria: I heard. The Fashion Club's pleased...I just want to see how short some of these relationships are.  
  
Jane: I guarantee one of them has ended by now.  
  
Daria: Most likely Upchuck's.  
  
Jane: Or Andrea's. Ha, she got coupled with a football player. I'm sure she's so smitten with him, she's buying pom-poms right now.  
  
Daria: I can almost hear the ruffle of black plastic fringe.  
  
Jane: (Guitar strings shriek loudly.) Ugh, Daria, I think the phone's going to die from another power surge, thanks to Trent...well, gotta go. Later.  
  
Daria: Bye.  
  
(At Lawndale High cafeteria. The 3 J's and their cheerleaders are sitting at a table together.)  
  
Nikki: So.  
  
Jeffy: So.   
  
Joey: S-  
  
Lisa: You know what, guys, I just don't think this is going to work out.  
  
Jamie: (Absent-mindedly.) I miss Quinn.  
  
Lisa: Ugh!  
  
Joey: You're such an idiot. But I miss her, too.  
  
Jeffy: Let's go talk to her, instead!  
  
Nikki: You jerks!  
  
(Nikki throws a cupcake at Jeffy's face.)  
  
(Lisa, Angie, and Nikki leave.)  
  
Jeffy: (Icing dripping off his face.) Yeah, let's go talk to Quinn.  
  
(Cut to the Fashion Club's table.)  
  
Sandi: So then Brett was telling me about this bracelet he bought me, it's got gold in it so I'm not sure it'd work with my spring wardrobe.  
  
Tiffany: Save it for fall, it'd look really-  
  
Three J's: Hi, Quinn!  
  
Quinn: (Nervously.) Um, you guys? Where are your dates...?  
  
Joey: They dumped us. I'd rather be here with you, Quinn.  
  
Jamie: I wanna be with you more!  
  
Jeffy: No, I do!  
  
Quinn: Eew, Jeffy, what's on your face?  
  
(Cut to Andrea and Robert.)  
  
(Andrea is listening to headphones, ignoring Robert. Robert looks at her for a few seconds, makes sure she's occupied, and gets up and sits with the other football players. Andrea takes off her headphones and sees that Robert's gone.)  
  
Andrea: Thank God.  
  
(Cut to Upchuck and Dawn.)  
  
Dawn: So, Charles, you're really nice and all, but do you think you could stop growling?  
  
Upchuck: Rrowr. Anything for my fair lady.  
  
Dawn: That's so inconsiderate! (Cries. In a sobbing voice.) Sorry, Chuck. It's over.  
  
Upchuck: Ooh, drama queen.  
  
(Cut to Daria and Jane.)  
  
Daria: Well, the matchmaking service seems to be going great.  
  
Jane: Yeah...negative five happy couples and counting!  
  
Daria: Well, at least they rejected Mr. O'Niell.  
  
Jane: They rejected him?!  
  
(Back at Morgendorffer home.)  
  
Quinn: (on phone with Sandi.) No, Sandi, it was a great idea. It's not your fault that the dating service failed! No, it's um...that goth chick's. She's so creepy, I bet she like, cast a spell to make everyone unattractive or something.  
  
Daria: Shifting the blame, Quinn? Just tell Sandi it's all her fault. At least her reaction will be amusing.  
  
Quinn: DARIA!  
  
The End. Hope you enjoyed. This was my first fan-fic, so please review and tell me what you think. Thanks very much. 


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